Leviathan Christmas Carols
by ChickWithThePurpleGuitar
Summary: Parodies of well-known Christmas carols all about our favorite Leviathan characters! First one, Bovril! Next, Dr. Barlow, Count Volger, Deryn and Alek, of course, and even Tazza! Goliath spoilers starting Chapter 3. Behemoth spoilers all around.
1. Bovril

**A/N: Hola peoples! Here is Bramblepool's and my Leviathan-related Christmas special for you all this year. I will be posting hopefully every day over the pre-Christmas week, if not, you might get a few after Christmas. Bramblepool and I have created parodies of well-known Christmas carols so that they are about Leviathan. **

**Here's a great, fun one for you! Bovril the Loris, sung to the tune of Frosty the Snowman. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Leviathan, or the Christmas carols we parody. **

Bovril the Loris

(sung to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman")

Bovril the loris was a perspicacious chump.

With his big brown eyes and his mouse-like nose and his soft, round, furry rump.

Bovril the loris was born on the Leviathan.

Alek kept him warm from the epic storm so they could have fun again.

There must have been some magic in that egg the boffin found.

For when it hatched, it followed our dear Prince Alek around.

Oh, Bovril the loris came from Darwinists, they say.

But his Clanker friend put that to an end when he brought him home that day.

**A/N: THE END! I apologize for any weird fittings of rhythm, if you know what I mean. Next carol, will be a "Jingle Bells" parody of our lovely Dr. Barlow!**


	2. Dr Barlow

**A/N: I OFFICIALLY OWN GOLIATH NOW! I'M SO HAPPY! Thank you Smart Girl! That was the best Christmas present ever! Although it's kinda ironic that you were the one who got it for me since I borrowed it from you when I first read it…..Anyway, despite the irony, I OFFICIALLY OWN GOLIATH! I'M SO HAPPY!**

**And now for something people actually care about, here is your daily Leviathan Christmas carol that I promised. This one is about our favorite (and only) lady boffin, Dr. Barlow. It is a parody of "Jingle Bells" and is titled Lady Boffin. I apologize in advance for any weird rhythm. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally nothing because Bramblepool wrote this parody. And I'm broke.**

**However, I _do _own Goliath :)**

Lady Boffin

(sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

Dashing through the lab

With a test tube in her hand.

Will she make a fab?

That would be quite grand!

Guess what Barlow made-

The Leviathan.

Her epicness will never fade.

I don't even think it can!

Oh, lady boffin, lady boffin.

You are oh so cool.

Only a _Dummkopf _ like Newkirk

Would ever think you're a fool.

**A/N: Don't judge. Bramblepool enjoys insulting Newkirk for no apparent reason. **

**Now, for the next chapter (which I will try to get up tomorrow), I have two options for you all. You can either get a double-upload of a short carol about Lilit and another short carol about our favorite dog-like thing, Tazza, _or _you can have one long carol about that bum-rag reporter, Eddie Malone. Your choice! But you gotta tell me :)**

**In other words, REVIEW!**


	3. Eddie Malone

**A/N: Hola again. Sadly, I only got one new review for the last chapter (super-duper thanks shout-out to stopthattimerave), but I promised a daily update, so here it is. And since stopthattimerave wanted to see a Malone carol, here's a super-long Malone carol! This one belongs to Bramblepool, since she's the one who actually wrote it. Once again, we apologize for any weird rhythm and insults of Richard Newkirk (no, that's not his real first name; I just made it up. Don't judge me). **

**WARNING: GOLIATH SPOILERS IN THIS SONG! AND A LOT OF THEM!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. **

Eddie Malone

(sung to the tune of "Silent Night")

Eddie Malone

Is such a jerk.

He doesn't do

Any work.

And with his writing he ruins lives.

With every word someone wants to die.

His writing isn't even good.

His writing isn't even good.

Eddie Malone

Is such a jerk.

A better reporter

Would be Newkirk.

Alek should have pushed him off the roof.

Then Eddie would just have gone poof.

Why didn't Alek push him?

Why didn't Alek push him? **(A/N: No, seriously; in Goliath, Alek had such a perfect opportunity to push Malone off a roof, but he gave up his last secret instead! What is wrong with that barking daft prince? Anyway,)**

Eddie Malone

Is such a jerk.

He wouldn't make

A very good clerk.

His disguise was a mustache.

The loris stole it and put it in his stash.

Full of random objects.

Full of random objects.

Eddie Malone

Is such a jerk.

He did make

A terrible Turk.

I want to cut off one of his hands.

That would be very grand.

Eddie Malone is a jerk.

Eddie Malone is a jerk.

**A/N: THE END! AGAIN! Next chapter, you guys have another choice. As in yesterday's, you can have a double-update of a short Lilit and a short Tazza, or you can have a slightly shorter than this one, but still pretty long carol about the "lovely" Count Ernst Volger. Your choice!**

**REVIEW! PLEASE!**


	4. Count Volger

**A/N: Hola peoples! So, as you can see by the title of this chapter, Count Volger won (5 votes to 2). However, since I'm nice and there's only three and a half days left until Christmas, I'm giving you THREE carols today! Volger, Lilit, _and _Tazza! So, I hope you like them!**

**WARNING: Slight Goliath spoilers.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing.**

**Note: Shout-out to James7912b for guessing the song! Also shout-out to WolFang for writing half this song. **

**Also (sorry I'm bad at this), I'm sorry for weird rhythm and rhymes. And the talky parts of the song are terrible. I'm just saying this straight out. Adios. **

Count Volger

(sung to the tune of "Mr. Grinch")

You're a mean one, Count Volger.

You have ruined Alek's life!

You blackmailed Mr. Sharp and threatened Tesla with a knife, Count Volger!

You're really annoying and evil and you'll….never get a wife!

You're a foul one, Count Volger.

You almost tipped over the _Leviathan. _

You threw your gold bars out the window and hit some villagers on the head, Count Volger!

I'll bet you 500 bucks that every person you know secretly wants you dead!

You're a monster, Count Volger.

And not the kind the boffins use!

You're a really sneaky clever-boots with sneaky, clever shoes, Count Volger!

Dr. Barlow was the only person who could ever…see through your ruse!

You're Count Volger, Count Volger.

That's really all we have to say.

Cause in a dictionary, next to you, it just says, "Stay away," Count Volger!

Never before have you ever said to a person… "Good day!"

**A/N: It's not great. Anyway, adios, please review! And I'll see you soon for Lilit!**


	5. Lilit

**A/N: Hi again! All you Lilit fans, be happy this song exists in my mind. All you Lilit fans, be sad this song is so short. Enjoy anyway! And please review!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. And Bramblepool wrote this one, btw.**

Oh, Lilit

(sung to the tune of "O Christmas Tree")

Oh, Lilit

Oh, Lilit

How perspicacious are you?

Oh, Lilit

Oh, Lilit

How perspicacious are you?

You saw right through Deryn's disguise

You made Alek think you were a guy

Oh, Lilit

Oh, Lilit

How perspicacious are you?

**A/N: Don't judge us. It's short. Review! I'll see you soon again for Tazza!**


	6. Tazza

**A/N: Okay, here's the last one for the day. If you didn't read the other two, make sure you do. They're awesome. Anyway, here's a carol about Tazza. It's dedicated to 321, who suggested a parody of "Let it Snow". I hope you like it!**

**This one was also written by Bramblepool, btw (don't worry; I do _some _of them). Its rhyming and rhythm's a little weird, but don't judge. Also the bridge/chorus part isn't here; it's just the same verse over and over. Please review!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing do we own.**

Let Him Go

(sung to the tune of "Let it Snow")

Oh, you might think he's a beastie

But he's not in the least(ie)

He is perfectly natural

So let him go

Let him go

Let him go.

Tazza is the natural beastie's name

And as follows is his claim to fame

He's the lady boffin's pet

So let him go

Let him go

Let him go.

He likes pulling on Deryn's arm

That's just part of his Tazza charm.

But he's begging to be set free

So let him go

Let him go

Let him go.

**A/N: The End. Hope you liked it. Please review! Next, you can choose between Carol of the Bells version about Deryn, or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer about Alek!**


	7. Alek

**A/N: Hola people and MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE! I assume you all celebrate Christmas since you're reading a story about….Christmas carols….but I can't judge. So anyway, Merry Christmas Eve again. I'm very sorry I haven't updated in two days, but Christmas Eve Eve Eve and Christmas Eve Eve were quite busy for me. Hopefully I make up for it today!**

**Note to the bellgirl: No, Alek's song doesn't make fun of his ears, but I'll show it to you anyway.**

**Here's a carol about our favorite Austrian prince. I'll post Deryn soon after since I'd really rather not update on Christmas and I want you all to see these two. **

**WARNING: Goliath spoilers!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing.**

Prince Aleksandar of Hohenberg

(sung to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer")

You know Edward, and Philip, and Charles, and William. Alexi and Albair and Prince John, and Guillame **(A/N: French for William. Just make it sound like it rhymes with William)**. But do you recall the most non-existent, non-royal prince of all?

Prince Aleksandar of Hohenberg

Had a very short reign

Cause he went away in a Stormwalker

Never to be seen again.

Two of his teachers kidnapped him,

Made him pilot in the night.

But Prince Aleksandar of Hohenberg

Wouldn't let them fill his mind with fright.

Then one snowy August day,

A ship crashed into the snow.

Alek, with his snowshoes tight,

Went to see if they were all right.

That's when he met dear Deryn,

Or Dylan as she said to be.

He gave up his title for her.

And now they work for the Society.

**A/N: The End! Please review! Deryn will come soon.**


	8. Deryn

**A/N: And here's the other one! Enjoy and please review!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing.**

Carol of the Sharp

(sung to the tune of "Carol of the Bells")

Leviathan

Has one airman

Who's not a man

She's a woman.

Deryn, she's called

Don't be appalled.

"Alek," she said.

"You're a dumb head."

On the airship

They'll take a trip.

Across the world

They will be hurled.

Bovril and she

Alek, make three.

In Istanbul

Nothing is dull.

She's Deryn Sharp

Half Alek's heart

They'll go flying

While Klaxons ring.

Deryn Deryn Deryn Deryn Deryn Deryn Sharp

Deryn Deryn Deryn Deryn Deryn Deryn Sharp

Leviathan

Living again.

**A/N: Kind of an abrupt ending, I know, but I hope you like it anyway. Please review! Next one, either later today or after Christmas, is about Santa Klopp!**


	9. Klopp

**A/N: Hi peoples! Sorry I've been forever! Busy Christmas! Here's the next song!**

**Here's the thing. I always refer to Klopp as Santa Claus, because he's all fat and stuff, but when I wrote this song, my friends and family pointed out that I should change it to Master Klopp, since that's his actual name, but I couldn't part with the Santa. Don't hate me.**

**Another thing. I pronounce (in my head) Lienz "Leenz" which is the only way it fits in the song. If you guys pronounce it otherwise, please either find a way to fit your pronunciation into the song, or just bear with me. Thanks!**

**We own nothing.**

**REVIEW!**

Santa Klopp is Coming to Lienz

(sung to the tune of "Santa Clause is Coming to Town")

You better watch out

You better not cry.

You better not pout

I'm telling you why.

Santa Klopp is coming to Lienz.

He's making a list

And checking it once.

He's gonna buy out

All the parts and guns.

Santa Klopp is coming to Lienz.

You hear him when he's sleeping

You know when he's awake.

It's obvious he's been a lot

So cut down on the cake (Dude!)

You better watch out

You better not cry.

You better not pout

I'm telling you why.

Santa Klopp is coming to Lienz.

**A/N: Review please! Next one up: Joy to the World where everybody dies! Or, at least, Newkirk, Volger, and Eddie Malone die…**


	10. Newkirk, Volger, and Malone

**A/N: Here's the next carol. I hope you like it! **

**WARNING: NEWKIRK, EDDIE MALONE, AND/OR COUNT VOLGER FANS- DO NOT READ THIS! YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER DIES!**

Joy to the World

(sung to the tune of "Joy to the World")

Joy to the world

Newkirk is dead.

Cause he tripped off a cliff **(A/N: that line is courtesy of fallinginslowmotion)**

Don't worry about his body

He wasn't much of a hottie.

And Alek and Deryn cheer

And Alek and Deryn cheer

And Alek and Alek and Deryn cheer

Joy to the world

Count Volger's dead.

Cause he tripped off a cliff!

Don't worry about his body

He wasn't much of a hottie.

And Alek and Deryn cheer (mainly Alek)

And Alek and Deryn cheer (mainly Alek)

And Alek and Alek and Deryn cheer (but mainly Alek)

Joy to the world

Malone is dead.

Cause he tripped off a cliff!

Don't worry about his body

He wasn't much of a hottie.

And Alek and Deryn cheer (mainly Deryn)

And Alek and Deryn cheer (mainly Deryn)

And Alek and Alek and Deryn cheer (but mainly Deryn)

**A/N: Hope you like it. Please review!**


	11. The 12 Days of Leviathan

**A/N: HI PEOPLES! Yes, I realize that it's kinda not even close to Christmas anymore, but I'm the world's best procrastinator so don't judge me.**

**I feel sad because this is the second to last Leviathan Christmas Carol you will ever hear. But luckily, it's also the longest. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: Bramblepool and I own nothing. YOU HEAR THAT, SOPA/PIPA? WE OWN NOTHING! YOU CAN'T KILL FANFICTION!**

**Anyway, enjoy! Please review!**

The 12 Days of Leviathan

(sung to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas")

On the first day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: a prince who is trying to flee **(A/N: keyword: trying)**

On the second day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: Bovril and his girlfriend **(A/N: Don't judge. Neither two lorises nor two perspicacious lorises would fit, so this was all I could think of. I realize that Bovril and Dr. Barlow's loris don't have genders and aren't romantic in any way)**, and a prince who is trying to flee.

On the third day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: three names for Deryn **(A/N: Deryn, Dylan, **_**Mr. **_**Sharp)**, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who is trying to flee.

On the fourth day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: four of Alek's men, three names for Deryn, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who is trying to flee.

On the fifth day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: FIVE BATTLE SCENES **(A/N: okay, sorry, last note- technically there are a **_**lot **_**more than five battle scenes in Leviathan, since Alek has one like **_**every other chapter, **_**but it worked, so…yeah. Bye)**, four of Alek's men, three names for Deryn, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who his trying to flee.

On the sixth day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: six random riggers, FIVE BATTLE SCENES, four of Alek's men, three names for Deryn, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who is trying to flee.

On the seventh day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: seven middies eating, six random riggers, FIVE BATTLE SCENES, four of Alek's men, three names for Deryn, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who is trying to flee.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: eight boffins thinking, seven middies eating, six random riggers, FIVE BATTLE SCENES, four of Alek's men, three names for Deryn, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who is trying to flee.

On the ninth day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: nine walkers walking, eight boffins thinking, seven middies eating, six random riggers, FIVE BATTLE SCENES, four of Alek's men, three names for Deryn, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who is trying to flee.

On the tenth day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: ten reporters watching, nine walkers walking, eight boffins thinking, seven middies eating, six random riggers, FIVE BATTLE SCENES, four of Alek's men, three names for Deryn, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who is trying to flee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: eleven lizards talking, ten reporters watching, nine walkers walking, eight boffins thinking, seven middies eating, six random riggers, FIVE BATTLE SCENES, four of Alek's men, three names for Deryn, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who is trying to flee.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Westerfeld gave to me: twelve Clankers shooting, eleven lizards talking, ten reporters watching, nine walkers walking, eight boffins thinking, seven middies eating, six random riggers, FIVE BATTLES SCENES, four of Alek's men, three names for Deryn, Bovril and his girlfriend, and a prince who is trying to flee.

**A/N: The End! The last carol, which I will hopefully post tomorrow, will be a special finale about the awesomeness of Leviathan. Please review!**


	12. Finale

**A/N: (laughs nervously) Hey guys….listen, I know it's kinda March, but… I'm reeeeally lazy, so… I'm posting the last carol now! Heh, heh, heh, yeah…awkward… Anyway, despite its lateness, I hope you like this finale! Please review! I have 48 right now; let's get to 50!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Leviathan or We Wish You a Merry Christmas.**

Finale

Sung to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"

Please read Leviathan

Please read Leviathan

Please read Leviathan

And its sequels too.

Behemoth is epic.

Behemoth is epic.

Behemoth is epic.

It's where Bovril comes in.

Goliath is so amazing.

Goliath is so amazing.

Goliath is so amazing.

It's the best book I've read.

There better be a fourth book.

There better be a fourth book.

There better be a fourth book.

If there isn't I will die.

**A/N: :) Cheerful, huh? We apologize for the non-rhymeyness. We hope you like it anyway. :)**


End file.
